Her Story...UnEdited

     I got a text from an old college friend that said something along the lines of, "what did it feel like to give yourself away, how did you change? I think I am ready. I started going to church and I want to be made new"...This was a person that I shared a dorm room with for a year, a girl I watched grow into a woman, someone that has been transformed and I want to share her story with you. To let you know that life is more that partying, smoking, drinking, and living the fast life. There is more to it for me, there is more you it for her, and there is more to it for YOU! Read below and I pray your life is impacted by this story! Felicia Brown I am so proud of you, I know God is proud of you!

Her Story...unedited...

"I used to be a party girl… Not only was I a party girl but I was the girl that felt entitled to straight VIP treatment. I remember when it started for me, I moved back to Atlanta my junior year of college. I ended up taking two years off from school. I made several excuses for why I wasn’t in school but honestly none of them mean much now. I was hanging out with the wrong crowd and no one was telling me “hey you should go back to school and stop partying!” If someone were to have told me, I probably would have laughed it off and not thought much about it.

From 21 to 23, I was addicted to the nightlife. I knew every club/party/event for every night of the week. I had a man that liked me who gave me a “key to the city”… which meant anywhere I wanted to be, I could be. I was hanging out with celebrities and athletes, feeling on top of the world. I had access to anything and anyone. I had no interest in going back to school. I really didn’t work because I had everything taken care of so why work? All I wanted was to be at the next party… When I was 22 going on 23, the nightlife started getting old to me. I liked this guy that was like you need to stay out the clubs it isn’t a good look. So I stopped partying so much but then I started to date the athletes and celebrities. I was flying all over with my home girls and enjoying every minute of it. I did get back in school at that time because I saw my friends from Florida graduating and I felt behind. But when I got back in school, I wasn’t focused because I was hardly ever there and when I was I didn’t take anything seriously.

In 2009 on New Years Eve, I talked to a friend who once flew me out of town and he told me to make sure I go to church to bring my new year in. At that point in my life, I only went to church when I felt like it, which was: Easter and whenever I felt really bad for doing something. I remember I was upset because my boyfriend at that time was cheating on me and I was falling out with my friends because I didn’t want to party anymore. I felt so alone sitting there in the church. The pastor counted down the New Year and told us to hug our family members. I started crying and left while everyone was doing that. I wasn’t speaking to my family because they weren’t approving of everything I had been doing. I only stayed close to my sister because she lived with me.

I wish I could say after that night I changed but I didn’t and things got harder to deal with. In 2010, I started smoking weed and drinking heavier. I smoked the weed to keep me calm and to avoid dealing with all my problems. I started to feel even more alone because my friends that were partying with me were still going out and flying out. My last semester in school, I worked my butt off so I could finish. I graduated and I felt that was the only thing I did right. I was having panic attacks all year. I felt crazy in the thoughts in my head. I was anxious all the time and worrying about everything. By then I was in a relationship with a man that I felt was perfect for me. I thought that things were better because I finished school, I wasn’t partying, and I was dating a great guy. Then he got busy in his career, and I had nothing to do but work. I started feeling so unhappy and I kept telling him, “you aren’t making me happy”. He would just say “give me time, I won’t be so busy in a few weeks” and I was feeling that same loneliness all over again. I mean I was confused because here I am in a relationship with this great guy, why am I so unhappy?

In November 2010, I quit one of my jobs to work full time as a children’s counselor. I started going to church every week. I met an incredible woman who became my leader. I would go to church every week and was there for all the wrong reasons. I was going because I just wanted to know why my relationship wasn’t working and why I wasn’t happy. What was I not doing? I became a member of the church in January of this year. I began to speak to my leader more as well as the pastor’s daughter who shared her testimony with me and I was starting to understand more about myself. I broke up with my boyfriend and every day I fought myself because I didn’t want to but I wasn’t happy. I still wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy with him and wasn’t happy without him so what was I missing?

I went to an Encounter at my church. We spent the weekend praying and crying. I was skeptical about it because I felt I was not doing anything wrong, what do I have to do all this for? But I wanted to be there because I wanted to heal my broken heart. I prayed for God to show me every bad thing about me. I repeated Psalms 139:23-24 until it came to me. I was lying, fornicating, and most importantly holding grudges against people. Without forgiving people from my past, I was still letting them affect my everyday life. I didn’t even realize I was so angry at my mother for not protecting me or being there for me. I loved men in a way that was only designed to be given to God and my husband. I just wanted love from the man I was with and I didn’t even understand what love meant.

After being baptized, I feel like a completely new person. I have been delivered from unforgiveness, fornication, and anger. I have a second chance to really live my life the right way! The love I was looking for, I found it! I found it in God! I have never felt happier or more alive. I wake up in the morning and praise God for at least an hour for bringing me through those years. God was there for me, even when I didn’t know him or at least pretended not to know him. He was just waiting for me to turn to him for my answers to my questions and not the world. The world was telling me I wasn’t good enough, no man was ever going to love me, and all kinds of negative things. I know now that I am fearfully and wonderfully made! My freshman year in college, my roommate told me “A woman’s heart should be so close to God, he has to seek him to find her”. I never understood that until now. I have given up my life to serve God! He is the only one that matters… He has my heart!

I wanted to take down my pictures on my Facebook because people were making me feel ashamed of my past. Then I realized that I overcame that life and I am in a better place now. I want everyone to see what I was doing and what I went through. When I look at those pictures, I see the girl that was unhappy and alone. I was in a club full of people but I felt like the only one there. A smile that was hiding pain from my childhood, laughs that kept me from crying and only I knew how deep it went. I overcame that pain, hurt, and anger… I am staying on this walk with God because I know where I want to go. God is first in my life in every aspect, I am ready for everything he has in store for me!"

If you have read this and want to know more about being saved and knowing more about a fulfilled life through Christ Jesus please feel free to email me beautifulsongsofadonai@yahoo.com! Once again thank you for stopping by! I hope your life is forever changed or at least impacted in some way ;-)

To be Rich and Royal,

Me